Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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