just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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