yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
