i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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