i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
