my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
