I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
