i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
