got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
