I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
