why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
