and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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