I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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