I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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