just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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