I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
