we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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