I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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