We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
