I think im going to throw up on grandma
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
