i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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