I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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