I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If that was your dad, he is hot
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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