Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
