Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
