Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
