I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
