Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
