And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
