Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
