Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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