so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
