Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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