so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
