I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I have demons in me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
