That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways