i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
