Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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