Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
