How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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