i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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