I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
