I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
