So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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