Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
