Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
