Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
