i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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