Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
