the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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