My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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