That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
