remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
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The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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