You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
