I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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