I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
