ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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