I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
